A Challenging Review

A reader of my memoir, "Open the River," that deals with grief and mourning over the loss of my son, has written a painfully negative review, posted on my Lulu site. Painful because of his own terrible grief. His only daughter, aged 7, was killed in an automobile accident less than a year ago.

My book fell short of his expectations. Worse, it made him angry. Angry, because I wrote at too great a length, to his lights, about my experiences learning how to be a sailor. After a horrible year of intense pain and sorrow, I took up sailing perhaps as a way of escape [this is my reader's contention] - although, for me, being on the water accompanied by my son's spirit, brought me great solace.

I wrote an email to him expressing my deep sympathy. I know what he is going through. Also, I spoke of my appreciation for his candid review. At first his words took me by surprise. So many readers have written me of their positive experiences. But after reading his review a second time, the pain and anger, the sorrow he expressed took me back to my first year of mourning, and I found myself re-visiting the old wound.

The state of healing I had accomplished from writing this memoir, like a scab, was stripped away. Raw feeling came through once more. It may seem odd to you, especially if you have not had to survive the loss of a child, that this reaccurance of raw pain could be received as a blessing. Maybe I am masochistic by nature? I really don't believe so.

Over the years - he died 14 years ago - sorrow can grow to be a bit too sweet. Sweet-sorrow, like an overgrown rose bush, can blanket the more vital feelings.

So, I'm grateful to my critic, my friend - we have begun an exchange of emails.